Loki's Quarrel, Lokasenna

Baldr was dead. After sending off his body, Thor went off into the east to fend off a wave of Jotnar that had their eyes and stomachs aching for Midgard. He still hurt and it showed. The pain was crushing him from the inside, changing him. He'll take out his rage on the giants, but it won't solve the real problem.

Baldr. The first mark of Ragnaršk. It's happening after all my hard work. But I've changed things. The Všluspa will not happen, at least not the way the wand carrier, Heidi, foretold. The chances are still grim. I can feel Fenrir and Garm scraping their claws into the ground.

But all is not lost and we have not lost our sense of hope, nor have we lost our desire for recreation. Ran and Gymir have invited us to their hall to feast. The rest of the Aesir are oblivious–or pretending it–to the impounding doom, though they all still feel the aching of the death of a God. Frigg has not lost her mind. She always surprises me with her control and wisdom. And even though I have, myself, a wounded heart, she is still helping me to keep myself together.

With us some of the Gods and Alfs have come, namely Sif, Bragi, Tyr, Skadi, Njord, Freyr, Freyja, and Vidar, Beyla the elf and her husband Byggvir, as well as Fimafeng and Eldir. Loki was not invited, purposefully. The consensus among the rest of the Aesir was that he was responsible for both the death of Baldr and the failure to raise him from hell.

We all arrived and were beginning our joyous meal. But Loki would not miss a party. He entered the hall and a wave of silence swept across the lot of us. "My, I am thirsty. What a long journey it has been for me, Loki. Send me a beer, and ale, a precious mead. Give me your best honeyed cup. Everyone, drink with me."

But no one moved, nor did they speak. Only our eyes tracked Loki as he approached the empty chair near Frigg, Vidar, and myself. The seat was for Baldr. Loki looked at me, but spoke aloud to my son behind him. "Vidar, has your silence washed away the music from everyones' hearts? Why so quiet, my brothers and sisters? And where should I sit? Ah, here is a place. Good Baldr, I would thank him for this wonderful place at the table. I'll send word to my daughter to let him know, the next chance I get."

"We will not have you, Loki!" Bragi was the first to protest. His true power came only in words. "Your seat was not made. That one belongs to Baldr, and Baldr only."

Loki turned toward Bragi and sighed. He picked up the nearest cup, even though it was not his, and drank the contents in one tilt of his head. He stared at Bragi with a quiet, but obvious hatred, and asked me with ice on his tongue, "Odin, do you remember in those days long ago when we became blood kin? You said never would you drink unless it was brought to us both."

"My good son, Vidar, please show some respect and give your blood uncle a seat. We must all be courteous guests of our good friend and host, Gymir."

Vidar, stood up for Loki and poured him a drink. He had as of yet said nothing about the death of his brother, but his eyes gave him away. He said nothing and looked at nothing. Very deliberately, he walked softly away in his heavy war boots.

"Thank you Vidar. A good nephew you've grown into." Loki cleared his throat and looked all around at the gathering. "Hail! All hail the Aesir, especially the beautiful Asynior, and all of the sacred gods. May the memory of Baldr survive in all of us. Except for Bragi, you twisted troll! I'll teach you to hold your words. Poor Gymir, he always puts up with so much. Stop writing poems and go do some real work."

"Loki, I am sorry. But if not in my apologetic words, then in gold I will pay you if you just do no further deeds against the people here tonight."

"Bragi, I don't need your 'sorries' or your garbage metal. You're such a coward, you'd pay off anyone rather than stand up in a fight."

Bragi stood and drew his silver pen from his belt pocket. "If words do not amuse you," and he pulled out his dagger and laid it by his plate, "then I have a better idea. If you would like to take this matter out to the courtyard I swear your head would be rolling off your shoulders."

"Brave Bragi, everyone knows that what comes from your mouth is already poisoned by your clever trickery. But beyond your place at this table I think you'd run away before the first sign of danger. Well, maybe the second sign…"

"If anyone here is indulging in clever trickery, it's…"

Idunn, put a gentle hand on her husband's shoulder. "Bragi, please, for the hall, our host Gymir, stop blaming Loki before the fact."

Sarcastically, Loki thanked Idunn, but then turned to the point. "Shut your mouth, traitor. The last thing I need is the help from someone who marries the killer of her own brother."

"I was only trying to quiet Bragi, who was made more than talkative from the drink. But as I can see, you too are troubled from overindulgence. Please, I don't want any fighting."

None of this would stop Loki. He was adamant about causing hurt and attacking us for things that needed to be done. I should have seen this. We all knew that Loki's son would lead the true terror of Ragnaršk, even though I knew much more. And it had already happened that my own son should die to signal the beginning of the end. My son killed by my son, his brother. Hšd has hurt me. Did Loki understand this, that I shared his grief and shame? Our sons would play a part in the end of the world. Or was he upset for some other reason?

"Gefjon! Whore! You seduced the young prince of Sweden, and his father, to take land to form your own realm. Is that where the honor of the Valkyries lies? Choosers of the bed laid?"

"I am older and stronger than most of the company in this hall! And if I choose not to slay, but to lie with my enemies to gain my victories, then so be it! I have killed more than you will ever be responsible for, Loki. The world could do with some other methods of defeating an enemy."

Loki laughed uncontrollably, "Well then, haha, maybe you'd like me to remind you of your possible battle strategies."

Madness. Loki has gone insane for reasons I cannot understand as of yet, and I know too much. But sometimes the simplest and least likely explanations are fact. "All that we have seen together, brother, has taken its tole on both of us. You have lost yourself, friend. I am beginning to see your end if you do not come back to us. Gefjon would not go easily when she attacks you, and even I fear her knowledge of the fates of men, though I know just as much."

"You have changed the fates many times, One-eye. Where is your honor when you turn the battle against those who deserved what their power should have delivered them?"

To think up the answers to my blood brother's quarrels on the spot without using my magic was costing me. Also, the feeling of betrayal was tearing out my heart. My old friend was losing himself and if he did not stop with words, I would cast the same spell I used on Vafthrudnir. But for the moment there was no danger, only my own weakness for holding back. "I honor all of those who fight and die. But I have changed much since I was defending the young walls of Asgard. As long as I am alive, might shall not be the price for a victory."

"How ingenious, One-eye. You're saving your warriors in the bank for a rainy day."

"And you have changed too, brother. Yes, I know now where you came from. The knowledge of the powerful giant, the well, and the mead has shown me. But Loki were you not. Loka, the milkmaid, mother of many children. I know that you have lost them all, but age will claim all mortals. But I know this isn't why you are acting like this now. Something else has triggered this. Tell me what you are suffering from."

"How did you know that? You think me a pervert. But we are all to blame. You shall see the corruption in your ways, as if the murders and assassinations of war were not enough. All of you have wronged. I too have knowledge, like your beloved Alfather. He traveled once among the Sami as a wizard of seid. That disgusting magic of dirty witches and drums."

"This is all old business," Frigg said. "We all know that good has always struggled with doing unkind deeds, if at least to one's enemy. None of us are perfect, but neither are we evil. Please, Loki, let us move on from the past."

"I would be quiet, but you are too sorry to leave alone. You sons are either dead or fiends, and you sleep with your husband's brothers. Did that happen all at once, for I would pay for the sight of that Valknut."

"We thought Odin was dead…" Frigg started to shed tears and looked away from Loki at the empty chair. "If my son were still alive he would not let you do this."

Loki turned to face me and whispered, "I have myself to thank for that. It was I who would not agree to the resurrection of your son and I who turned his brother against him." But I already knew this. It was part of the plan, and it had to happen.

Freyja also jeered at Loki for his madness. I never really thought she liked him in the first place. Gymir, our host, had been drinking, but was doing his best to keep his and Freyr's elves from spearing the shape-changer. Vidar was lacing his boots tighter and had just finished his meal as quickly as possible. My son marches on his stomach. I continued to drink from my cup. The rest of the guests were shocked and not eating or drinking. They sat nervously in their seats, not knowing whether they should wait for it to pass, fight, or just leave. They were scared of Loki, and I could tell they were even more puzzled with the news of his origins that I had been keeping as it was not their business.

But Loki wanted to share everything about anyone with everyone. "Freyja, isn't it true that for all the elves and gods here, each one has been your lover?"

"That's a lie," Freyja screamed. "You just want to put holes in our friendships so you can misdirect what you are starting here tonight."

"I've been working on it much longer than tonight, Asynior. Not as long as you've been secretly in love with your own brother."

"These are harmless actions that happened as children," said Njord.

"Don't think that just because we share a common trait having once been women, that I will side with you so easily. I won't keep this a secret: with your own sister you had a son!"

"It was the only way for us to continue our family," Njord said shamefully. "At the time when Ymir was ruler of the world, master of the Gap, our numbers had dwindled so that we were on the brink of extinction."

"Maybe your should have died out."

"Freyr is one of the best alive," affirmed Tyr. "He is good to women just as much as to men. And, in his affairs, he is monogamous even more so than you."

"You would not say that if you knew what Skirnir said to Gerd to get her to marry his master. That poor girl was broken before she ever laid eyes on him. It's easy to please those who have been reduced to nothing."

Gymir turned an angry glare at Freyr with the news that his daughter had been threatened by one of Freyr's messengers. But the wise old giant just sat there, because he knew that he had been drinking much, and this was exactly what Loki wanted. He would speak to his daughter about the matter before jumping at hearsay.

"I have lost my hand," Tyr pointed his handless arm at Loki, "and you have lost your mind, but neither of us is any easier to please. I think we may be the worst of the bunch."

"Your wife had a son by me." Loki stopped talking and let the remark sink in to Tyr. I had no idea that Tyr even had a wife. He was so old, had been around for so long, that it was not surprising, but I did not know her, even in all my knowledge. I knew everything, could see all, hear all, but some things were buried deep within my mind like old memories. And so it was not surprising, but I needed more to jog my mind to remember it.

"And you, Freyr, because of your lust, you gave away your magic sword to Skirnir. What will you fight with, though, when you must face Surt's forces of Muspell when the ride over Myrkwood? They are all wielders of magical blades."

And then an unexpected voice spoke out. Byggvir, who was friends of both the lost Skirnir and of Njord's son, spoke his mind. "None of us are tarnish free/ shape-changer Loki. But the fact is here/ that we've all been alive for years upon years. During this long race of life/ hard it is not to have fumbled a few times."

"Alfs, alfs, alfs," Loki said as a series of laughs. "Now your witty rhyme, thanks to the drink, will be stuck in my head for the rest of the night. Why don't you shut up until you can put up a fight. Your words are childish."

Heimdall stood up and started walking around the table. "Odin, he's drunk. Let me take him outside before he does any further harm." Skadi threw her chair back behind her and made her way the other way around the table to Loki. "No let me, I'm stronger than the lot of you." At the same time, Sif stood up and poured a cup of mead.

Alarmed by Heimdall and Skadi, Loki got out of his chair, holding on to his drink. But then he smiled and rolled his eyes. "Oh Skadi, I forgot! You only smile when I play with my balls. Well, it's only fitting that Heimdall should be walking over here to help."

Sif reached Loki first. "Welcome Loki. Please take this drink and be at peace. We have nothing against each other."

"Sif, my dear, thank you." Loki took the cup and drank it quickly. Heimdall and Skadi were just steps away from him with their hands on their hilts. Loki tilted his head back to drink the new cup and dropped the other one on the floor. Beyla commented that she could hear Earth shaking, but no one else was listening but me. Loki slurped the last in his cup, but no one wanted to attack him while he had his eyes turned to his drink. Sif pushed the two swords-masters back.

"Sif, that was delicious. The last time you gave me such a sweet cup of honey was on the night in your bed when I cut off your hair."

"Loki!"

The lightning started immediately and the front gates opened followed by the doors to the dining room, more lightning, and more thunder. There stood the Son of Earth, wearing a rain drenched coat and hood, holding a body in his arms. Wind blew threw the hall. The candles went out, but the fireplace at the end of the room and the rhythmic lightning flashes made it so the rest of us could see. But we could only see the shape oh him standing in the door, walking slowly toward the table.

"Thor, you've come back from fighting off the giants!" Loki knew Thor was upset, but he sounded like he was excited to see him back. "And you've brought something for dinner. Is it a deer?"

Thor laid Fimafeng on the table. The elf was one of Thor's friends as a child. I could tell in the dark that he was crying under his hood, but no one else could see it. But there was something else on his mind that had been rotting away far longer.

"You and my wife were together."

"Fimafeng!" Gymir finally took action. He ran to his friend, the elf, and held the cold body. I think Gymir thought of Fimafeng almost as a son.

Loki took a deep breath and put on a serious and concerned face. "My dear boy, Thor, it's not like it's any different from the rest of the behaviors of the rest of the Aesir. Everyone seems to be sleeping with everyone else these days."

"Well, there aren't many of us left even in Midgard," said Gefjon.

"In fact, I've been trying to address this sensitivity of the problem all night, but no one seems to be in a good mood for talking about it." At this point Loki was laughing uncontrollably without end. All of his words were mixed with cackling, though he was clear and understandable.

"But you lied to me! Not only that, but you tortured her by cutting off her hair. I understand it all now. How could I have been so dense?"

"Thor come on," teased Loki. "You literally have a rock in your head. That counts as being pretty dense to me."

Thor was not impressed nor was I. This was not the plan. Loki, like all of us had his part to play, but tonight was going to be the end of us. "Thor, take him out of here."

"Thor, please…" Loki was backing away from the giant slayer, towards a window that had opened with one of the gusts of wind. "If I hadn't cut off Sif's hair, you never would have got all the fun toys I brought back. Where would we be without Mjollnir? No harm done. Everyone's having a great night; it's just too much beer."

"Nanna and Baldr and Fimafeng are dead, Loki."

"Oh, to where the trolls will take you all! Gymir, this has by far been the worst party ever. I had more fun even at Skrymir's Utgard castle. I mean, there was a court. This place is terrible. Look how you treat your guests. I hope this place goes up in flames."

Loki jumped out the window and was gone. Thor reached for his hammer, but I told him that was enough. Hugin and Munin were already following him. Gymir had got ahold of himself. Skadi, Heimdall, and Gefjon looked ready to go to war. But Thor had shut off. His recent bad temper was now a dazed mind.

"Sif, why didn't you tell me?"

She walked up behind him. Thor knelt down on the floor facing the open window. "I was scared of you," she said, "and I was scared of Loki. It was only one time. He didn't 'torture' me as you put it. I don't know why he cut off my hair. I chose him, I don't know why. You're always gone. I was tired. And I am now. I'm tired of all this fighting."

The night was a disaster. We had lost Baldr and Nanna, and now Loki. But the end was coming, I could feel it. "Soon, we won't have to fight anymore."